Boys Just Wanna Have Fun
by CrackersandTea
Summary: Alfred wants to go to a haunted house. Cue a sex ban, horniness, and a pissed English man.
1. Chapter 1 - In Which Arthur is Horny

Chapter 1 - In Which Arthur is Horny

"No," Arthur said with a scowl.

"But Artie..." Alfred pleaded.

Arthur's eye twitched at the nickname, "My final answer is no. I refuse to go through such an embarrassing experience again."

"Aw going through that haunted house with me wasn't that embarrassing..." Alfred trailed off when he received the full force of Arthur's glare.

Last Halloween had been a catastrophe in Arthur's opinion. He had somehow allowed Alfred to convince him that going through a haunted house with a person who was terrified of ghosts was a good idea. Because of the mortifying experience, Arthur had made a New Year's resolution later that year to not participate in anymore of Alfred's daft ideas.

Now it was a year after last Halloween (dubbed "That Fateful Night" by Arthur) and he was once more faced with the wearisome task of educating his stubborn boyfriend on the meaning of the word "no."

"No means no Alfred. I will not have my eardrums blasted by your girly screams again just so you can prove that "heroes aren't afraid of anything", as I recall was your reason for going last time. Evidently you are terrified of haunted houses so I see no point in confirming what has already been confirmed," Arthur snapped.

Alfred's face fell. "I just wanted to be your hero though. I wanted to save you from the monsters!"

"Alfred..." Arthur groaned and massaged his temples.

Arthur has a bad feeling that his resolution wasn't going to hold up. His boyfriend was nothing if not persistent. When Alfred wanted something, he would use any means necessary to get that thing. Sadly Arthur had been on the receiving end of those means too many times to count.

Alfred's eyes welled up with tears, and his lower lip began to tremble. It should have made him looked ridiculous but instead it made him look like a kicked puppy. Something in Arthur's heart twisted. He hated when Alfred gave him this look because it was his weakness. To this day, he had never been able to successfully resist it...there was something about Alfred's eyes that made Arthur feel like a terrible person for denying him anything. Maybe he should...

Suddenly the phone rang, it's shrill sound breaking the spell. Arthur ran for it, grateful for the excuse to escape. What was he thinking? He could't let Alfred win just like that. He had a reputation to protect (not that there was much of a reputation left after Alfred had exploited him using this technique many times before).

"Hello?" Arthur picked up the phone.

"Arthur, mi amigo! It's Antonio!"

"Antonio! To what do I owe the pleasure?" Behind him, Arthur vaguely heard Alfred yelling obscenities at Antonio for ruining his plans.

Antonio launched into a long winded speech about a grumpy Italian barista that he had met at Starbucks that morning (It's true love I tell you, Arthur!). Arthur soon forgot all about the conversation though because Alfred had decided that it was a perfect time to give Arthur some special attention.

Arthur felt arms encircle his waist from behind him and he tensed. Arthur melted against the warm body behind him when his ear was gently bit down on. Alfred kissed a trail of feather light kisses down the side of Arthur's throat. With each kiss Alfred placed on Arthur's neck, Arthur forgot about the person on the other side of the phone more and more. Alfred's hands travelled over places on Arthur's body that made his breath hitch and a strange feeling form in his stomach. He stifled a moan which would have exposed how badly he wanted to take Alfred then and there on the couch, not giving a fuck that Antonio would be able to hear everything in explicit detail. Lucky for Antonio though, Arthur was British so he had long perfected the art of sexual repression.

Still, it took all of Arthur's willpower to push Alfred away from him instead of onto the couch. With the distracting mouth and hands gone, Arthur collected himself and tried to focus on what Antonio was saying.

"...and he yelled at me in the cutest way! He face turned red like a little tomato! I've decided that he's my little tomato Arthur!" Surprisingly Antonio was still on the subject of the grumpy Italian. He usually switched subjects as fast as Alfred could consume burgers. In other words, every four or five seconds.

Suddenly Arthur felt puffs of air ghost along the back of his neck. Just like that, all the concentration Arthur had managed to scrape together disappeared. All his attention was on the presence that was once again behind him. The arms wrapped around him again but they held on tighter this time. One hand began to creep lower and lower...

"Terribly sorry Antonio but this conversation is going to have to wait. Something has come up." Arthur hastily made an excuse from the conversation that currently held only a small amount of his attention.

"Ah çi, çi. That is alright. Maybe we'll meet up some other time?" Antonio replied, completely oblivious to Arthur's haste to end the conversation.

"Yes, yes that would be lovely. I'll see you soon," Arthur hung up the phone before the talkative Spaniard could drag out the conversation any longer.

"Alfred. You're a very naughty man you know that," Arthur tsked.

"That's why you love me," Alfred replied cheekily, his hand still inching downwards.

"I was having a bloody conversation you git!" Arthur pushed Alfred's hand away, hindering it's progress southward.

"I didn't like how all your attention was on Antonio! Also you were having a conversation with me first," Arthur could almost hear Alfred pouting.

"That's still no reason to molest me while I was on the phone," Arthur chastised lightly. Inside though, he felt something warm pool in his stomach at the possessive streak Alfred was showing.

"Well it's not like you didn't like it though..." Alfred trailed off suggestively.

Arthur's resistance wavered...but wait why did he need to resist? He was no longer on the phone. It was just the two of them...

"How about this. You've gotten me quite worked up...Alfie," Arthur felt Alfred shiver at the nickname, "So to make up for it, how about you take care of me like a good boy."

Arthur could feel Alfred's breathe quicken on his neck. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine they were already in bed...

"Sorry but no can do sweetheart."

Arthur's eyes opened in surprise and he whirled around to face Alfred.

"Sorry what?" He felt slightly alarmed at the fact that Alfred had turned him down.

"You heard me Artie. I'm calling a sex ban until you take me to the haunted house," Alfred stubbornly said though his eyes betrayed that he wanted anything but a sex ban at the moment.

"Are you bloody kidding me?" Arthur groaned. When he had the chance to, he was going to form a protest against haunted houses. Not only had they shredded his dignity to pieces on "That Fateful Nigh", but they were also the reason he was being denied a good lay.

"C'mon Artie, it'll be fun! Also, it's now in your best interest to take me!" Alfred winked and smiled winningly.

"It will never be in my best interest to go to a haunted house with you," Arthur muttered darkly, still sore from being rejected for a haunted house.

Despite Arthur's grumbles, he knew that he was fighting a losing battle. Sure he could repress his sexual desires for the duration of one phone call but indefinitely? That was asking for the impossible especially when he was already horny as fuck.

Arthur looked up to see Alfred looking at him expectantly.

Arthur sighed and looked away, regretting the words as they came out of his mouth, "Fine you twat. I'll take you to the bloody house," he blushed as he said the next sentence, "You better lift the fucking sex ban afterwards though."

Alfred let out a whoop of triumph. Arthur was busy cursing his horny body and wondering what the fuck he had gotten himself into.

* * *

To be continued...

Author's Note: Hello everyone, this is my first fanfic so I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews would be very helpful!

Thanks, CrackersandTea


	2. Chapter 2 - In Which Arthur is Pissed

Chapter 2 - In Which Arthur is Pissed

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshwe

Fj'regoingtodieeeee!!" Alfred screamed from behind Arthur's back.

Arthur winced. Alfred was normally loud when he was at a conversational distance from you but when he was barely an inch away from your ear, it was like having a speaker right beside you turned to full volume.

"Alfred, they're not real. They're just people covered in makeup and fake blood," Arthur sighed and messaged his temples. Damn, his ears were ringing. A bloody ghoul jumped out from behind a door but quickly hid behind it again as his eardrums were traumatized by girly screams. Arthur didn't blame him. He wished there was a door he could duck behind to escape the inhuman noise spewing from his boyfriend's mouth.

"Whew, that wasn't that scary. I totally saw it coming. It'll take more than that to scare a hero!" Alfred laughed boisterously, completely ignoring the fact that he had been screaming like a little girl only seconds ago.

Arthur snorted.

They turned the corner and pushed aside heavy black curtains to reveal a pitch black hallway. Brilliant. This was going to be fun.

"Arthur?" Alfred said in a small voice.

"Yes Alfred, what is it?" Arthur sighed. He could see the faint glint of Alfred's glasses in the darkness.

"Nothing, I just wanted to make sure that you weren't too scared or anything. Haha you know me being the hero and everything," Alfred laughed nervously.

Arthur rolled his eyes at Alfred's terrible coverup of his terror.

They stumbled through the darkness. Strains of a broken violin and a childish laugh floated through the air. The hairs on the back of Arthur's neck stood up. The laugh was creepily similar to that of a certain Russian. His eyes strained to see if there was anything lurking in the darkness. Of course he could't see anything. He could only sense Alfred's presence beside him. His senses were on high alert. Something rustled to the right of him and he whipped his head in that direction. The rustling stopped. They're just actors covered in low budget Halloween makeup Arthur reminded himself. Nevertheless, his eye began to twitch when footsteps began to creep closer...and closer...and

"Arthur-"

"Bloody hell Alfred!" Arthur flinched, slightly embarrassed that he had been scared.

"Sorry! Just checking in on you again heh heh..." With this, Arthur was absolutely certain that Alfred was terrified. If the nervousness in Alfred's voice wasn't a huge giveaway, then Alfred's tendency to babble when he was scared, was.

Arthur's eyes began to adjust to the darkness. He took this opportunity to inspect their surroundings. He still couldn't see much but from what he could tell, the hallway wasn't that wide. Suddenly he caught sight of something white. It was the owner of the footsteps Arthur had previously heard.

An idea began to form in Arthur's head and a smile that had sent a certain Frenchman running for the hills many times before formed on Arthur's face. Yes...this would be the perfect opportunity to get Alfred back for making him go through the haunted house.

Alfred started when Arthur took his hand, "H-hey Artie! You s-scared? It's a-alright cuz the h-hero's here to protect you!"

Arthur bit his lip to stop himself from laughing out loud.

Trying to hide the amusement in his voice, Arthur said, "Alfred, hold on a minute, my shoelace is untied."

Arthur let go of Alfred's hand and backed away.

Of course his shoelace wasn't untied. It was just a ploy so that his boyfriend wouldn't be suspicious of his disappearance.

Arthur saw the crouching person stand up silently and move towards Alfred.

"Arthur, are you d-done tying your sh-shoelaces?" Alfred asked nervously.

No reply.

Slightly unnerved by Arthur's silence, Alfred continued, "Arthur...? This isn't funny...!"

Silence.

Arthur heard Alfred's breathing begin to quicken and he could almost taste Alfred's fear. Call him a sadist but he felt a sort of evil satisfaction from seeing Alfred in this terrified state. It was nice to see him put in an uncomfortable position for once. He couldn't control the grin the spread over his face when he saw the main event of his plot noiselessly creep closer to Alfred.

"Arthur...? Where are you?"

Taking it as his cue to enter once again, Arthur walked up right behind Alfred and whispered into his ear, "Right here love."

Then all hell broke loose.

A demonic face lit up in the dark right in front of Alfred. He let out a glass-shattering scream that probably would have shattered all the windows in the building had it not have been cut off.

Arthur's elation from scaring Alfred was cut short when Alfred, while screaming, back pedalled away from the demon and right into Arthur, effectively knocking them both to the ground. Arthur let out a few choice words that showcased his colourful vocabulary, or at least he tried to before he had the wind knocked out of him. Alfred's elbow dug into Arthur's side as Alfred turned over.

Arthur whacked Alfred's elbow in an attempt to dislodge it from his rib cage as he tried to untangle their limbs. As much as Arthur liked tangling limbs with Alfred in a bed, he didn't appreciate it on the floor with a haunted house employee watching them.

At last they managed to stand and become two separate entities again. That's when things became even worse and Arthur regretted ever initiating this prank.

"Never fear sweetheart, I'll save you from the demon because I'm your HERO!" Alfred had the gall to wink at him before picking him up bridal style and proceeding to run away from the "demon" at full speed.

The whole way to the end of the hallway, Arthur was conflicted between wanting to scream bloody murder at Alfred and wanting to curl up in a hole and disappear. Of course Arthur chose the former option, and oh did he make Alfred regret ever treating him like a blushing bride.

"Alfred if you don't put me down right this second, you will find out very soon what life is like without two functioning hands," Arthur tried to make himself as intimidating as he could be while he was being carried in such an embarrassing way.

Apparently Alfred wanted his hands ripped off because he failed to put Arthur down.

"For goodness sake Alfred! Put me do-" Arthur never had the chance to finish his sentence because as soon as they reached the end of the hallway, they were immediately assaulted by a zombie.

Arthur suddenly hit something soft. The object grunted and they both went down.

"Shit, Arthur are you okay?!" he heard Alfred's voice come from somewhere behind him.

Arthur groaned and looked down to see the zombie staring back up from underneath him. Arthur quickly stood up and whirled around to see a terrified Alfred with his hands up in surrender.

"I swear I didn't mean to throw you! Please don't hurt me Artie!!" Alfred pleaded as his enraged boyfriend advanced towards him.

"Alfred..." Arthur said in a low voice with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

"Yes...?"

"WE ARE LEAVING THIS FUCKING HAUNTED HOUSE THIS INSTANT BEFORE I ADD A REAL DEAD BODY TO THE COLLECTION OF CORPSES HANGING FROM THE CEILING!" Arthur grabbed the collar of Alfred's shirt and began dragging him down the corridor.

"Fuck this haunted house!" Arthur shouted to no one in particular.

No other monsters dared to get in the way of the raging Englishman for the rest of Alfred and Arthur's journey through the haunted house.

At last, they reached the exit. Arthur let go of Alfred's shirt and stalked away from him. He searched for their car in the parking lot while internally seething with rage. When he had found it, he speed walked towards it, wanting to get as far away as possible from the scene where his dignity had been shredded. Arthur slammed the door after getting into the car. He started the ignition before Alfred had even sat down. Alfred was barely able to put on his seatbelt before Arthur pulled out of the parking lot.

They drove in tense silence. Of course, being the social creature he was, Alfred couldn't take the silence for long.

"Hey Arthur-" Alfred began.

"Shut up," Arthur cut in.

"No, Arthur I'm not going to shut up! I don't know why you're so angry!" Alfred raised his voice, feeling pissed off by Arthur's attitude.

"Oh really? You don't know why I'm angry? Well let me inform you because apparently you weren't paying attention to what happened in that haunted house! If I remember correctly, you assured me that it wouldn't be as bad as last time. Well big surprise, it was even worse. Not only did you scream more than last time, but you also managed to completely embarrass me in the process. But wait there's more! You even managed to throw me at someone too this time! So congratulations Mr. Jones for fucking up a haunted house so spectacularly," Arthur mockingly ended his rant.

Alfred was silent for a moment.

"You know...I find it kind of hot when you call me Mr. Jones," Alfred gave Arthur a sidelong glance.

"Oh for fuck's sake Alfred!" Arthur shouted but he already knew that he was fighting a losing battle. Damn Alfred. That stupid, git. He felt the anger drain out of him slowly and replacing it, was...lust?

Arthur blushed when he felt his cock twitch. He had already been horny from when Alfred had declared the sex ban. Alfred falling on top of him and carrying him in the haunted house hadn't exactly helped matters. Alfred screaming had been enough to distract him from this feeling but now that there were no distractions...

"Alfred love," Arthur began, placing his hand on top of Alfred's, "now that I've held up my part of the bargain, wouldn't you say that it's time you do too?"

Arthur saw Alfred's eyes darken with the want he must have been suppressing. When Arthur found those eyes turned towards him, he felt his pants tighten around a certain area. He pulled the car over.

Somehow they avoided staining the inside of the car with mysterious white splatters that would certainly have created an interesting topic of conversation with future passengers.

* * *

Author's note: ...You have no idea how many times I rewrote this chapter...every time I finished it, I found something I didn't like and ended up deleting everything. That's why it took so long for me to publish this heh heh. Well...this is what I settled on in the end. I hope you liked it and as always, any reviews are helpful :)

Thanks, CrackersandTea


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